Change

I have learned the past several months how in an instant everything can change. I have watched a marriage fall apart, then I watched this wife, after Satan took hold of her husband, have to learn what single parenthood was about, I watched her son become angry because his daddy was gone and would never come home. I watched families close to this one struggle, wondering how someone who seemed so rooted in God surrender to death. It was a life taken too early because Satan was able to get a foot in the door. It was one action though, one action that changed everything. Suicide. It is the second of someone I know, the first of someone I was close to. I still find myself struggling as I pass the place where they found his body, wondering why we didn't go up that road to find him that day. Even though I know by the time we would have gone up there he would have already been dead, I still can't help but wonder that if maybe we did go up there we would have been able to save him. I have watched my dad lose his best friend. My mom lose her best friend. It is just so amazing to me. One action. One action has forever changed so much. None of it seems to ever make sense. Satan is sly. It just takes one wrong move on our behalf for him to get in and then he spreads like wildfire. To see this man who was so involved in Church, who seemed so on fire for God, fall into adultery. Then watching him leave his wife, then come back to his wife, then leave again. Then to have him send his last message of saying goodbye, the same message to both his wife and mistress. Only to have him turn the gun on himself. It is all so surreal Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

We All Wanna Be Somebody

This morning I worked Welcome Team at church. I was placed just inside the main doors to greet people. Anyone who knows me I hate having to talk to people I don't know. I found several familiar faces and had several strangers start up conversations with me. I had the opportunity to help two newcomers find their way to where they wanted to go. It was a good experience and another step to help me become a little less antisocial. The one thing that stood out to me tonight and actually made my day was when a lady who I have never had a conversation with, someone who probably sees me in the front row at church when I sit with Al and she is on worship team, actually said "Hi Amanda." First thing that came to mind was "She knows my name." Anyone who goes to Eastern Hills knows how big the church is. There are some people I see maybe once every six months or so because of how many people there are at each service. So to that person, assuming she reads my blog which has had one post in the last year, thank you.

Missed the year mark...

Darn. I was hoping to remember to log in on the 20th to do a quick blog. I forgot. I'll think of something to put in this box a little later.

Misunderstandings

It grieves me when a fellow believer chooses to not walk in the way of the Lord. When they go off on anything without having a true understanding of what was done or said. That happened recently. We had two people leave our group because of a misunderstanding. One guy decided to get mad at something he misheard. Talking to him does no good because he holds grudges. Is this guy a real christian? I don't know. I hope so, but his actions have always said otherwise. I pray he finds the true love of Jesus Christ and will learn to let that shine through. God calls us to be slow to anger. Slow, not fast. I have never gotten why someone would call themself a christian but never show it. I want to show the world why I am so different. I want to be different. I want to honor my Father, the one who gave me true life. Yes sometimes I am quick to anger but it is something the Lord is working on and I am getting better at. That is why I walk away instead of starting something. The whole thing baffles me. Before you get all ticked off make sure it is over something real.

Another one on Trust...

In every relationship there are defining moments. There are decisions we are faced with. What we choose will determine the course of that relationship. Pastor Shawn spoke about choosing the right thing over the wrong. That if we choose the wrong thing, it destroys things. Satan is in those wrong things. As Christians we should choose not to do those wrong things. We were all born with a sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. We are taught throughout our lives what is right and what is wrong. For instance, murder is wrong. Lying is wrong. Adultery is wrong. Helping others is right. Being kind is right.

Yet we still fall into these wrong things. How is it that marriages fall apart? Husbands cheat on their wives and the wives cheat on their husbands. The bible says in Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Powerful words those are. If I look at a guy in lust, I have committed adultery!

God hates lying. Prov 6:16-19 states, “There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers.” He calls these things an abomination! If God does not approve of this, if this is of the Satan, I want no part in it, nor do I want to have a relationship of any kind with someone who thinks it’s okay. They have taken Satan’s side, not God’s side.

These things destroy. Every relationship has a level of trust. We talk to the people we trust and tell them our deepest secrets. In marriage, that person is the spouse. When the other spouse decides to go and commit adultery, the person that once trusted them can no longer trust. That bridge was torn down and needs to be rebuilt. When you share something so intimate with the one you love only to have them share the same thing with someone else it destroys a person. It destroys that relationship maybe even beyond repair.

Same type of thing with lying. You tell someone something, something you have entrusted to them. When that person lies to you, that trust is gone. If they are going to lie to you about small things, who’s to say they won’t lie about bigger things. Who’s to say you can trust them with those intimate details when they lie about the small things?

I want to go back, I really do. I don’t know how to go back. The relationship was destroyed with a stupid lie someone said to protect themself. How can I go back? I will always have in the back of my mind the question about whether or not this person is lying to me about this or that or if I can really count on them to not tell others something I told them in confidence. I want to go back, I just don’t know how.

Trust

There isn’t a worse feeling than the feeling of not being trusted. This is especially true when you’ve done nothing to lose that trust. Trust has come hard for me. After having someone I trusted do things to me they shouldn’t have, I lost my trust in people. I wouldn’t let people close to me. It messed up a lot of my childhood. Over time I have begun letting people in, letting them get close and trusting them. It isn’t necessarily a process to me anymore, I just do it. I trust the person off the bat because they have done nothing to show me I cannot trust Him. That’s what I should do because God chooses to trust me with all I have when I have done nothing to prove to Him that I am trustworthy. I have lost trust in people with things they’ve done to me and over time they gain it back, assuming they prove themselves. I know that is not the Christian thing to do but it is something I’m working on. I hate the feeling though of someone not trusting me. It hurts almost knowing I have done nothing wrong and because I am who I am, I am not being accepted for it. Everything I do seems to be questioned for no real reason. Trust just seems to suck. That’s all I can think of right now. Is it so hard to just accept someone for who they are?

The Christmas Story

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived.

When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons."

Praise be to God for He sent His only Son into this world for us, an undeserving people. Thank you God for your eternal gift and for your salvation. I can never express how grateful I am for your Gift.